She Shares Truth--Jonah 1 & 2

 

I've been reading over at She Reads Truth for awhile now.  I love the heart of the mission there!  To join as women in a daily reading of His holy truth.  To learn together.  To worship together.  To rest together in His truth.  They've started a new project this season and I was excited to join in today!  Here's what I'm getting from Jonah:  
There's so much to see in the story of Jonah! I'm learning so much by really digging in and mining for  gold pieces that I can tuck away in my heart.

In the first two chapters of this small, yet powerful book, I find a story that would make a good blockbuster movie.  Feeling called by God, Jonah hits the ground running the other way. My favorite verse of that first chapter is the very last verse.

Verse 17 says this: "But The Lord provided a great fish to swallow Jonah,..."

Over the last few years, I've learned that often the very best things in the Bible begin with a BUT.  It's no coincidence that just when all seems hopeless you'll often find that tiny conjunction. And when you see it, hold on! Because God is about to blow you away!

I mean seriously, as I read this story of Jonah and learn that he was just thrown overboard, I find myself thinking, we'll, that's it! That's where the story ends! And then it comes,  "But The Lord," and in this case it's followed by, "provided a great fish to swallow Jonah," and I'm left thinking,  what?! A fish? To swallow him?  How can this end well?  That's where God shows off, right where my doubt begins. 

Jonah begins to pray earnestly, when he's in the worst place imaginable (been there done that, minus the fish!) He remembers all that God has done for him and he clings to it.  For dear life.  In verse 8 is where he got me, it reads, "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."

WOAH.

Those who cling (like me) to worthless idols (like family, food, exercise, my job) forfeit (give up, walk away, miss out on) the grace that could be theirs.   (Jonah 2:8, NIV)

We sing about God's grace all the time.  It's AMAZING right?  It's a concept that I find myself going back to over and over.  Grace given to me from my Creator.  Grace in the imperfect and the messy and the hard.  It's often the hardest thing for me to give myself and those closest to me.  But God gives it FREELY. Unless I cling to worthless idols (like I so often do) and then I FORFEIT that grace.    Now I'm not the most competitive person.  I don't like to lose but I'm the one who wants everyone to leave happy and feeling like everyone was a winner.  I'm not like my dear friend who is the first to tell you that second place is the first loser. :)  That being said, if we're competing in say a scavenger hunt in a strange town with a group of college kids, I'm not gonna quit.  I'm NOT going to forfeit.  I'm gonna give it all I've got.  So why, why oh why, would I willingly give up one of the most precious gifts I've ever received, the precious, amazing grace of God? 

Dear Lord, Please help to me hear you, and more importantly to LISTEN to you.  I want to feel Your grace.  Help me to give up those worthless idols, God, so that I can experience all You have for me. 
Amen.

Community

Sometimes community is hard.  Downright hard.  Sometimes I feel like crawling in a hole with my family of 5 and shutting out the hard, scary, unpredictable world.  I love my people.  The people God has blessed me with.  But too often I wear my heart on my sleeve and my expectations high and nothing can come from that except a big ugly mess. So what do you do?  When the world is calling.  When you've been invited out of your space into a slightly bigger place, a place with the possibility that you might be stretched and uncomfortable and vulnerable.  What do you do?
You go.  You go because it's right.  You tuck your bad attitude into the back pocket of your jeans.  You bite your tongue when the sarcasm gets too thick in your mind.  You look around the room at the people that God has placed in your life for this season and hopefully the next and you breathe in deep.  You sit back and watch as your children join ranks with a larger than hoped for church youth choir and you blink back the tears when you hear their small voices sing "I Am Blessed" with the simplest of words and greatest of message. You stumble to the altar with a friend whose heart is still broken and you cry out to God to give joy.  Joy only He can give. 
And you breathe.  You inhale deeply so that more of His grace can fill you up.  Always more of His grace. 

this season

An eighteen year old girl came over for help tonight. Help with math. I love math. {{I'm a nerd that way.}} But as we got to talking, I realized how much more she needed than math. Her fiancé just dumped her {{Which I was pretty happy about because HEL-LO! 18!!!}} But to see her sad eyes and hear her talk about him. Bless her. Heartbreak stinks. I remember it well and oh my. It just plain stinks. And of course I said the things we all say, "You deserve better!" "This too shall pass!" But I felt so cliché as I said it. As I stood with my baby girl washing dishes and cooking dinner for my family of five. I knew as I said it that it wasn't helpful. Even though she smiled and nodded and said all the appropriate things back. Poor kid.
You see I taught this girl a few years back and I've seen her grow up in my church. Her parents split right about the time that she left my classroom and to say it was messy is an understatement. Her oldest sister sorta took her to raise, although to hear her tell it she doesn't need any of that. Her momma is "finding herself" with her new husband and her dad just recently married a nice lady who has a family of her own. She is in her first semester of college and is doing just fine. Except that somehow her apartment was subletted so she has to be out in a week and she has no idea where to go. She was welcomed to her dad's house, but even though it's her home, she doesn't feel like it's home anymore what with all the "new" family. Her mom doesn't have room for her and the boy she was planning on marrying in a few months just decided he wasn't mature enough for her (which is the truth!) but still a rough pill to swallow at this exact moment. I swear if I had turned my back and just listened, I would have sworn it was my eighteen year old self standing there with a similar bag of issues and all the loneliness. Bless her. As I was recapping our conversation with my husband when he came in from ball practice with our oldest, I gladly admitted that I didn't envy her one bit. "I've been where she is," I said, "and while I know now how it all works out, I was not convinced back then that it'd ever all work out." Families are hard. At any age. Life is hard. At any age. I'll admit I've been more than frustrated over the last couple of months with the waiting season that we are in right now. But talking with that sweet girl in my rental kitchen with the holey linoleum and the subfloor in the dining room while holding my sweet healthy girl on my hip and sinking my hands into scalding hot dishwater, I have never been more thankful for this season.

This Day

I want to remember this day. My day. When Chris took off work and we slept late. He served me eggs and cheese because the muffins were moldy and we're leaving in a few days so I refuse to buy more groceries!! The way the big ones (can they really be that?) pounced on me with shrill screams and toothless grins while the baby constantly dropped her head on my chest.

How I convinced them into the National Cowgirl Museum because I knew their short attention spans wouldn't make it till the afternoon. How overwhelmed I felt by all the photos of the women: ranchers, cattle hands, performers...all cowgirls in their own right. How overtaken I was by the strong feminism of the place. I know nothing about ranching or rodeos, but I felt a connection with these women. Doing what they loved. Following their dreams, their hearts. In a time when it wasn't safe or considered right. How breathtaking.

I want to remember showing Daddy all the cool things that we saw last week while he worked. Sharing our day with him. A weekday. Pulling my big girl into my lap (despite my swimmy head) because the giant screen scared her. Feeding The littlest chickadees to keep her quiet so Daddy could enjoy the show too. Watching my young scientist explore and learn, even though he's already too cool. Holding his hand during the scary parts of the 3d movie, thankful he wasn't too cool for that.

Even the leaving the ice cream place part because sometimes when you're seven and it's not all.about.you you just have to melt down. It's ok. I've been 7 before. I've been 27 and melted down much the same way.

I want to hold on to girls with heads thrown back, mouths open, deepest of deep sleep before we even

 get out of the parking lot. Of Texas clouds and kid sized cowgirl boots that started out as a joke and ended up as a steal!!

Of ice cream till our bellies hurt and kids with second winds that hold on long past mom and dad.

Thank you Lord for this day. This place. This time. These people. I'm not worthy, but I am ever grateful.

Just a Kid

My son is 6 going on 16. These days it feels like we argue a lot. Some days he's my sweet little boy who can melt my heart with his kindness. Others he's an impatient brat who's yelling at his sister for the tiniest thing. Just yesterday he was helping clean out pews at church as I beamed with pride and then just a few short hours later he was melting down over a flashlight I wouldn't let him get at Walmart. By the time we all made it home, I was at the end of my rope with him. I think what gets me most is that every tiny thing he does, I see as a reflection of myself. (which it is....to an extent)


I hear him speak harshly to Lu and I cringe, did he learn that tone from me? {maybe, but he's also 6 & she's 3 and she's getting on his nerves...I have younger siblings and no one ever taught me how to be mean to them, but I was/am sometimes.}

I see him helping a little kid in the playground at McDonalds & I beam with pride, now that, he got from me for sure! {yeah maybe, and maybe from the people we've surrounded him with all his life and maybe he's just got a kind heart.}

He smarts off to me & rolls his eyes and I think, what kind of parent am I that my kid would talk to me like that? {maybe he's just 6. I've definitely got my share of sass that I don't remember ever being taught. I've thrown some harsh comments at my mama & not because she was a bad parent, just because I'm a brat sometimes too.}

So what I'm learning is a lesson that's hard for me. It's not all about me. Sometimes he's just a 6-yr-old testing his boundaries. Sometimes he's a brat. Sometimes he's an angel. And while yes, he's a reflection of me, he's also just a kid.

Facing Fear

I love to sing.

Show choir in high school was one of my favorite things. (I totally get Glee.)

I love singing in our church's choir twice a week. The hour of choir practice is honestly one my favorite times all week. Learning the notes, the melodies, the harmonies (alto is my favorite!), hearing it all come together.

A good base lead....mmmm....those deep rich voices. A strong tenor part...there's something about a man who can sing higher than me (my dad sings tenor.) And oh who doesn't love a good alto lead in an old gospel song....warms my heart! Learning the songs out of the old red book that I know my granny knows by heart.

In our home we sing a lot.

My iPod dock is in the kitchen and it's almost always on. Luci told me Friday in the most amazed voice that Ms. Judy does not have music in her kitchen....can you believe it?! Her face was true surprise. Who would've thought?

Music moves us, shapes us. We recently found Seeds of Faith worship music which puts Bible verses to music. Our kids love it!(And I must admit it's helping my memorization skills too!)

One thing I don't do though....sing alone, out loud, in front of people. But last night, at an in house singing service at my church....armed with James 17:7, I did. I won't lie and say that I wasn't nervous. I won't tell you that I didn't hang on to the mic with both hands to control the shaking. I won't bring up that my eyes never left the words that lay on the pulpit in front of me. But putting all confidence in God....I did it.

Here's to learning to have a confident heart.

An Few Inspiring Thoughts on Resolutions

Seeing as that it's January, resolutions have been on the brain. I've never been a big fan of resolutions....they just feel like I'm setting myself up for failure. I love what these two ladies have to say about resolutions and success.

Mary over at Incourage

&

Jess over at Allora Handmade

Happy Tuesday!

Headaches & an Ah-ha Moment

For about 8 weeks I was having these intense, hardcore headaches.

You may remember that I told you I'd started going to the chiropractor here. (By the way, not my x-ray.) Well a few weeks in, the headaches started. It became a daily recurrence. Sometimes medicine would help (but who wants to take meds daily?) and sometimes it wouldn't. They left me in a fog. It was wretched and I felt like a big baby. Chris used to get migraines and these headaches weren't that bad, just annoying...but still painful...anyway, I felt like a wus! Two Sundays ago I finally asked my church to help me pray about it. I say finally because I felt it to be a very trivial prayer. I mean c'mon, we're praying for families where the dad just discovered a brain tumor, mamas with cancer, dying saints of God...prayer for my headaches seemed silly. Within a day or so....my headache was gone. I actually went to the chiro last week to see if I was out of line cause I was so used to the headache. I wasn't. He told me that my body was fixing itself, getting used to the realignment and that had caused the headaches to go away.

It took me till yesterday morning to see that no, something bigger was in the works.

You see, my God cares for the silly, trivial things of life. The Bible tells us to ask....just ask, and we will receive. I talk often on here about faith...faith in the big things. I'm so thankful that we can have faith in the little things too.

Here's to a God who cares...even about the stuff that we think is inconsequential.

God Is Bigger

Veggie Tales have taken over my CD player. I don't mind it (well except that there are only like 4 songs on the cd) it's really not that bad. They are particularly funny those guys. They were at a local church a month-ish ago and my kids are now a little obsessed. They liked them before, but now...they're celebrities.

Anyway....so they've taken over and sometimes to avoid like flippingout when they're blaring through the speakers....I find myself thinking about what they're saying (holy wow I'm lame!) And today I thought, you know, God is bigger than the boogeyman. He's bigger than my crappy afternoon meeting. He's bigger than test scores and report cards. He's bigger than dog stuffing up Lu's nose that took a doctor's visit to get out. He's bigger than rained out ballgames and missed anniversary dinners. He's bigger than missing book club.

And He really is watching out for us. He knows (WAY better than me) what my life looks like in the grand scheme. I have trouble following what it looks like in the right now.

And for all of that, I'm thankful.

P.S. Here's Lu before the stuffing came out:

You should have seen her after! (Maybe she won't stick batting up her nose again!)

P.P.S. Check out my brand new etsy shop: Stitched In Faith & come back later in the week for my very first giveaway!

Kept

Today during church, I found myself flipping backwards in my Bible to read the beginning of the story my pastor preached about. (I do that often.) We were reading in Luke 5 about Jesus and the fishermen. But I wandered back to when Jesus was just a boy. (Ch. 2) I came across verse 51 which says this:

"...but His mother kept all these things in her heart."

Can you imagine? Being the mother of Jesus. I can barely handle being the mother of Eli & Luci. I often feel overwhelmed and underqualified. They shock me. Anger me. Surprise me and leave me longing for more. I cannot fathom what Mary must have felt. All the while knowing that He was of God. He was God. Knowing that He came to save the world. Sure, she didn't know the how, but still. That's a lot of pressure and a lot of faith.

Reading this little tiny thing about Mary made me connect with her. Cause I do that. I keep the things of my children in my heart. I'm not so good at remembering to write it all down. (I think my pregnancy journal with Lu says, "I'm pregnant.") I'm not so good at 1.) taking pics and 2.) printing them off. I'm not so good at labeling and/or keeping every tiny art piece they produce. But those special times that we share and I catch myself thinking...holy cow, that's my kid. I tuck those away, into that innermost part of my heart. They are the things I think about when I'm lying awake at night. Those are the things I reflect on when the world gets too loud and heavy. And I remember, that just like Mary, I've been given a gift. A gift from God. A gift to love and protect and to help grow in the right.

Not Ready for This

I remember getting ready to graduate from college. I was excited. And sad. I was scared to get my first class (that was back when there were actually jobs to be had.) I was worried about leaving behind friends. I was overwhelmed at the future and not knowing exactlywhatcamenext.

I remember when Chris proposed. I was overjoyed. Thrilled. Then we went to register. And I cried. All out sobbed right in the middle of the mall. It was embarrassing. I just kept saying, "I don't know how to pick out stuff for a house!" Needless to say it was awhile before our house felt "homey".

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Eli. I was happy. But more than that terrified. I was only 23. I had only been married for 9 months. I had gotten the wife role down yet and now I was gonna be a mom.

Too often in my life I have said, "Lord, I'm not ready for this. Are you sure?"

Looking back now, I see His plan. I see His hand in it all. I found my place in the world after college. I figured out how to build a home (it's a daily work-in-progress). And I've figured out what it means to be a mom (also a daily work-in-progress).

Now as I stand at this crossroads of sorts in my life I feel myself constantly asking, "Lord, are you sure? Is this really what you want me to do. Cause I'm not so sure I'm ready." But this time's different. Cause I've seen Him work before. I've seen faith in action and I know, deep in my soul, that I will never be ready. But where He leads, I've gotta follow.

I didn't wanna go

I was covered up in work. C.O.V.E.R.E.D. UP. An online class. Papers to grade. Books to read. Plans to find cause they were mysteriously misplaced on my laptop. My kitchen was crying. Sink full of dishes. Crumbs covering the floor. Dirty stovetop. Dirty countertops. Just downright dirty! Laundry was piled up. Preschool blanket hadn't yet been washed for Monday morning. Favorite pjs waiting to be worn, lying crumpled by the washer. And then there were all the things I WANTED to be doing. Like sew. Or blog. Or read other blogs. Or work on Indie Biz stuff. My attitude sucked.

But I went. Cause I felt like I needed too. Even though I didn't want too. I needed too.

And He spoke to me. He spoke right into the core of my soul. The deepest depths that I didn't know anyone could see. Through my scowl. He heard my heart. My anger. And He told me that it's ok. He asked me to step out on faith. To trust Him.

So I went to the altar. And I cried. I sobbed. Downright ugly, makeup mess. And I thanked Him. For hearing me. For loving me. For saving me. And for keeping me.

Real Faith

I've been reading in the second chapter of James this week about having faith without works and I've figured out my problem.
I have faith, I believe, I LOVE God. And I'm good with showing my faith in "comfortable" ways. I love to help someone out. I'll bake you cookies, cook you dinner or send you a card any day of the week. And please let me pray for you. I can DO that! But take my child as a sacrifice because God told me too (like Abraham) or hide out spies in my house that I know I & my whole family could get killed for like Rahab, yeah I'd run screaming for the hills...or hide out quietly hoping God would choose someone else. I can hear the conversation now, "Ok God, you know I believe, you know I have faith in you, but I'm too small for this. I can't do this. I'm busy...I've got school and the kids and this new business and I really need to be reading for book club and I haven't studied for Sunday School yet...can't I just serve you in that way....I'll just hang out a bit more in Sunday School with the college kids. I can show my faith to them. Yeah, that'll be good. See God, I can do that and that way I won't feel scared or have to worry about letting you down. It'll be better for everyone. You go get someone else. There are tons of people who are just dying to do that for you." Then I'd run away as quickly as I could and just tell myself that that nagging feeling I have is not God. He gets it, He knows I can't handle that.

And that's just it, I can't handle it. I can't handle actually putting action behind my faith without Him. That's the faith part. Believing that He will be there. He will give me strength and guide my steps and not.let.me.down. Oh to have that kinda faith. It's scary to me. Scary cause I know that in order to get to that point, I have to depend on God. I'm not real good at depending on others. But that's what faith is. And that's all God wants.