Sunday, March 27, 2011

Not Ready for This

I remember getting ready to graduate from college. I was excited. And sad. I was scared to get my first class (that was back when there were actually jobs to be had.) I was worried about leaving behind friends. I was overwhelmed at the future and not knowing exactlywhatcamenext.

I remember when Chris proposed. I was overjoyed. Thrilled. Then we went to register. And I cried. All out sobbed right in the middle of the mall. It was embarrassing. I just kept saying, "I don't know how to pick out stuff for a house!" Needless to say it was awhile before our house felt "homey".

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Eli. I was happy. But more than that terrified. I was only 23. I had only been married for 9 months. I had gotten the wife role down yet and now I was gonna be a mom.

Too often in my life I have said, "Lord, I'm not ready for this. Are you sure?"

Looking back now, I see His plan. I see His hand in it all. I found my place in the world after college. I figured out how to build a home (it's a daily work-in-progress). And I've figured out what it means to be a mom (also a daily work-in-progress).

Now as I stand at this crossroads of sorts in my life I feel myself constantly asking, "Lord, are you sure? Is this really what you want me to do. Cause I'm not so sure I'm ready." But this time's different. Cause I've seen Him work before. I've seen faith in action and I know, deep in my soul, that I will never be ready. But where He leads, I've gotta follow.

1 comment:

  1. So true! I remember that after I had my first child, I kept expecting some wise adult figure to show up in my hospital room and say, "We can't let you take this child home. You're just not ready. I don't know what we were thinking."