I've been reading in the second chapter of James this week about having faith without works and I've figured out my problem.
I have faith, I believe, I LOVE God. And I'm good with showing my faith in "comfortable" ways. I love to help someone out. I'll bake you cookies, cook you dinner or send you a card any day of the week. And please let me pray for you. I can DO that! But take my child as a sacrifice because God told me too (like Abraham) or hide out spies in my house that I know I & my whole family could get killed for like Rahab, yeah I'd run screaming for the hills...or hide out quietly hoping God would choose someone else. I can hear the conversation now, "Ok God, you know I believe, you know I have faith in you, but I'm too small for this. I can't do this. I'm busy...I've got school and the kids and this new business and I really need to be reading for book club and I haven't studied for Sunday School yet...can't I just serve you in that way....I'll just hang out a bit more in Sunday School with the college kids. I can show my faith to them. Yeah, that'll be good. See God, I can do that and that way I won't feel scared or have to worry about letting you down. It'll be better for everyone. You go get someone else. There are tons of people who are just dying to do that for you." Then I'd run away as quickly as I could and just tell myself that that nagging feeling I have is not God. He gets it, He knows I can't handle that.
And that's just it, I can't handle it. I can't handle actually putting action behind my faith without Him. That's the faith part. Believing that He will be there. He will give me strength and guide my steps and not.let.me.down. Oh to have that kinda faith. It's scary to me. Scary cause I know that in order to get to that point, I have to depend on God. I'm not real good at depending on others. But that's what faith is. And that's all God wants.