A New Place

We're in this new place. It's awkward and weird and quite frankly it scares me.

My dear friend buried her husband last week. And now we're all in this weird place. Most importantly her. Please don't think I'm trying to take away from that. I feel guilty to even be saying this. Any of it.

I want to help. I want to be there. I want to cry with her. Remember with her. I want to cook for her or do her laundry. I want to help.

But I don't want to smother her. I want to give her space to breathe and grieve.

And if I'm honest, really honest, I kinda want to run away. To get far away from the pain and the memories.

My heart is broken for her. Seriously broken. I want to take away her pain.

But I don't know how. I have no idea.

I've tried to put myself in her shoes and I imagine that while I'd need the attention and company for awhile, I think I'd need space too. I think I'd need people around me who maybe didn't know. Who wouldn't look at me with sad eyes. Who wouldn't ask me how I was doing. Cause really, isn't the answer always about the same? I would need time with just my kids. To work through this as a family. To find a new normal.

But really, what do I know? Nothing. Nothing at all. All I know is that God's plan is bigger. And though we cannot see or understand (nor will I ever) that it IS part of God's plan. And every.single.thing works to His glory. Every.single.thing.