Monday, May 21, 2012
Resting. Not something I do easily. Sitting. Trusting. It's hard. To let it go. To sit and nurse a little one for hours. With my oldest, love his heart, I almost starved him because of my impatience. Because I didn't know. With Lu, I had learned. But here I am again, second guessing myself. Am I doing this right? Did she get enough to eat? How many diapers has she gone through today? And when I think about it, I still do it with Eli. Not with his eating habits so much, but other things. School, is he reading enough? Am I pushing him too hard or not enough? Am I loving him enough? And with Luci, is she at the right preschool? Should I put her in dance again next year? Does she really love it or is it me imposing that on her? Are they happy? Are they healthy? Am I pointing towards Him enough? Am I leading them towards salvation? They've asked a lot of questions lately. Is it ok that I sometimes just say I don't know? Because I don't. I don't have a clue.