Monday, November 28, 2011

But She's Not Very Nice To Me

There's a girl at my church, who a couple of years ago, maybe not even that long, I would have considered my friend. Our husbands were close, our kids close in age, and she and I had lots in common. Now she doesn't speak to me. I go take my place on the pew where she sits close by talking in hushed tones to another friend. They laugh over some private joke and I feel like I'm that out of place middle schooler all over again. Sure if I say hello as we pass she'll return the greeting. But it's different and I long to know why. Questions pound as I see her laughing and talking to other women in the church...what did I do? Why won't you talk to me anymore? After every service my poor husband has to listen to it all the way home. He's sympathetic and says it's not me....but I hear that middle schooler in me saying, of course it is, you must have done something. It's beginning to wear on me and then I read this verse...

Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer...I John 3:15

And I don't hate her. But I'm struggling with how to love her. My heart cries to God, but she's mean to me. She doesn't even speak and when I do she sometimes acts like I'm not around. How can I love her? Why should I? She certainly doesn't love me.
I feel my inner middles schooler crossing her arms over her chest and feeling justified in avoiding her at all cost. Pointing fingers when she doesn't show up for service or serve in the way I think she should. And then I read...We should love one another...I John 3:11

But what about when it's hard?

1 comment:

  1. Oh Heidi, it is amazing how God parallels things in our lives. This was almost word for word what I wrote in my journal yesterday too, and it is SO hard. Especially when we are "fixers" because it hurts so much more. (And in my situation, when she spews phrases like "Well, then, I'll be praying for you" with so much vehemency it feels more like a weapon than a precious right to come before the Father's throne, I want to confront her and fix it.) Which as I am learning from my peace-making husband is often NOT the best idea. Oh to be a "let-it-go"er!

    I wish I had an answer, but at least you can know you are not alone in learning to love those who hurt us--we are in the same boat!