I am a lot of things.
But confident has never been one of them. I fake it. A lot.
I use sarcasm and often biting words to cover up and pretend.
But deep down, I've got issues. Issues with believing that I will ever be good enough. Issues with whether the people in my life will actually stay. Issues with whether they'll be real. Issues with trust. Issues with how much of myself to give.
Over the years, these issues have plagued me. They made me a clinging girlfriend and a needy friend.
Over the course of the past year, I've been forced to deal with a lot of these issues. A semi-tramatic year at work left me trembling and wondering if I'm good enough. This fear pushed me to my comfort zone....to creating things...with my hands...tangible things that I could see and touch and feel proud of. This, along with encouragement from my precious husband and dear friends, led me to open an etsy shop. I was (still am) terrified. What if people don't like what I make? What if they say "anyone could do that?" And while I'll admittedly tell you it's not rocket science here. I'm not making anything fancy that anyone else couldn't do themselves. It's the making....the crafting...that brings me piece of mind.
Another thing that's helped, last fall I began reading A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. I can only read it in parts because I need to stop and reflect and pray over the words that are like balm to my soul. My favorite verse so far, "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him." Jeremiah 17:7 I now chant this to myself when I feel my confidence begin to waver. When I begin to hear those doubts enter my head. The ones that tell me that I'm not good enough. It doesn't matter, because He thinks I am. And what else really matters.