holidays are hard for me. i'm not sure that i can pinpoint an exact reason. but there's a certain...melancholy...disdain...exasperation...i feel for the holiday season. don't get me wrong, part of me LOVES it. loves the lights and the music and the busy-ness. loves the message of my savior's birth. but part of me dreads the commitments. remembers the switch-offs with parents. mom's one year. dad's the next. mom's in the morning. dad's in the afternoon. riding back and forth to get to the right place at the right time and having just the right amount of enthusiasm for just the right people. and making sure to downplay any fun had at another place or any gifts.
i struggle with whose traditions to honor. if any at all. and then at the same time i want my own. i very much want my children's childhood to be different than mine. i want there to be no expectation. just joy. pure uninteruppted joy. and peace and comfort and stability.
i pray that God will give me that this holiday season.