Thursday, November 25, 2010

holidays are hard

holidays are hard for me. i'm not sure that i can pinpoint an exact reason. but there's a certain...melancholy...disdain...exasperation...i feel for the holiday season. don't get me wrong, part of me LOVES it. loves the lights and the music and the busy-ness. loves the message of my savior's birth. but part of me dreads the commitments. remembers the switch-offs with parents. mom's one year. dad's the next. mom's in the morning. dad's in the afternoon. riding back and forth to get to the right place at the right time and having just the right amount of enthusiasm for just the right people. and making sure to downplay any fun had at another place or any gifts.
i struggle with whose traditions to honor. if any at all. and then at the same time i want my own. i very much want my children's childhood to be different than mine. i want there to be no expectation. just joy. pure uninteruppted joy. and peace and comfort and stability.
i pray that God will give me that this holiday season.

1 comment:

  1. I agree. Holidays are hard sometimes for all kinds of different reasons. I stuggled today. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. This year has been one of the hardest. No exact reason, but a combination of so many. I just ask for God to hold my hand and place everything I struggle with in Him.

    I loved reading all the post I have missed. My computer has been acting up and I have only been able to use it a few times without it freezing up. LOVE the picture of your kids for Halloween and the Christmas card!

    You are in my prayers my friend. Have a blessed Christmas this year with your great family!!!!