a journey

12 years ago I started on a journey. I worked at it. I struggled. I succeeded. I struggled some more. I pressed on. There was a time when I felt confident and sure about it. 8 years ago I began to doubt myself. Today I'm doubting more than ever before. I feel like I'm drowning in a pool of things that I'll never be quite good enough at and I have no idea how to get my head above water. I've cried most of the evening. I love the places this journey has taken me. I love the people that I've met along the way. But I'm not sure I can continue on this path anymore. It's always been the path I saw for myself. I can't imagine my life without it. I'm scared too. Cause it's something I can't even wrap my mind around. But I think I need too. Cause I'm often angry and frustrated and left wondering where my joy is. And that is no way to live.

I'm praying tonight, more than ever, for God to give me a glimpse of the plan He has for me. The journey He sees me on. If this is it, then I pray that He'll give me strength and guidance to stick it out. If it's it now then I pray He'll lead me on.